THE TOURIST’S PRAYER

Heavenly Father, look down on us, your obedient servants, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photos, writing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking round in drip-dry underwear.

We beseech you O Lord to see that our plane is not delayed, our luggage not lost and our overweight luggage and illegal imports are unnoticed.

Lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included in the price of a meal and the staff speaks our tongue. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.

Grant us the strength to visit museums, palaces, cathedrals and if perchance we skip an historic monument to seek private pleasure, have mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.

Dear God, protect our wives from bargains they do not need, nor cannot afford. Lead them not into temptations, for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them with us. Save them from making fools of themselves at social gatherings. Above all, do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do.

And finally, when our wanderings are over, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our videos and photos and listen to our prattle, so that our journey has not been in vain.